Marriage and Divorce

In Elder Oaks talk titled Divorce we learn, “The concept that society has a strong interest in preserving marriages for the common good as well as the good of the couple and their children has been replaced for many by the idea that marriage is only a private relationship between consenting adults, terminable at the will of either.”

Just like Elder Oaks talks about, most problems with our society come down to individuals being selfish, only being concerned with how problems and issues affect themselves. The other person or the children’s feelings are not taken into consideration. People these days now believe that their instant gratification is the only thing that matters to them at the moment. The long term affects it may have on their children must be a priority.

Elder Oaks talks about some people refer to their marriage as a starter marriage and have no respect for the sanctity of marriage. He says that he strongly urges married people to repent and restore the good in their marriage and to kneel together and pray for help. Creating and maintaining a strong marriage and family affect all aspects of society. Applying the Atonement in our marriage will help us work through disagreements and to overcome selfishness.

In the Presidents Marriage Agenda they talked about how married couples spend more time saving for the future. I feel this has such a positive affect on their children because it gives them so much more security to know their parents care about their future as well. This helps them not have so much worry about illness or unexpected challenges that may arise in their lives. Married couples also experience a lot more support for their job and extended families.

Parents that are going through a divorce may use therapy to help their children cope better, I feel this could be very helpful. In a study they the kids write papers about how they were feeling and have the parents read their children’s feelings. The parents were being selfish and did not seem to care about the children or the other parent until they heard how the children were feeling in their own words and through their drawings. This proved to soften the parent towards the child and the other parent. 

The difference between selfishness and selflessness. I really believe that most marital conflicts and especially divorce stem from being selfish. I agree that you have to find a balance between taking care or yourself and being selfish. When you are on a plane they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then help others with theirs

, I feel this has validity but we can take it too far and feel that we always need to have our needs met first. In order to serve others we need to be healthy and strong, have plenty of rest and feel cared for, but I feel that we can take care of ourselves while we serve others. for instance if we are concerned with making sure our children are put to bed on time we can get enough sleep also. If we are feeding our children healthy food we can eat healthy foods as well.

Divorce is harmful to everyone involved, it is in the best interest of everyone if we can stop being selfish and put others needs and feelings first. But in those rare times when it is necessary we must do our best to make it as easy on the children as possible to they will not be permanently scared.