Friendship in Marriage

   Building your friendship with your spouse will help create a sure foundation to be able to find things that bring joy to your life. One thing that my husband and I do is say “I like you and I love you” this is something that I feel has strengthened our marriage because there is defiantly a difference between the two. When I am especially pleased with him I like him, I always love him, which is very important, but enjoying being with him and liking what he is doing or has done for me and our children brings happiness.

 We each have a set point like with exercise. If we have a strong foundation in our marriage based on mutual respect and trust and have the same eternal goals. If we center our lives on our Savoir and we rtake the time to really enjoy each other’s company we can work through most anything. I believe in the power of positivity and that it can resolve most situations if we treat the situation with kindness and love.  

I agree with the attunement concept of being empathetic of each other. When you know that your spouse is truly concerned about your well-being and feel when you feel, it makes your trust for them more profound and special. On the flip side when there is a disconnect and it is obvious that your partner does not care and you have become complacent with how they feel you are in danger of getting into a negative loop that can only harm your marriage.  

We learn from Gottman that you will find the four horseman and even flooding in stable marriages from time to time but it’s when it takes up permanent residence that it becomes dangerous to the relationship and can be seriously detrimental for the marriage. “Positive sentiment override is like an insurance policy, it dramatically increases the odds that repair attempts will regularly work and defuse tension. It will benefit if you support, reinvigorate, or if necessary resuscitate your friendship.”

“Kindness is the essence of a celestial life. Kindness is how a Christlike person treats others. Kindness should permeate all of our words and actions at work, at school, at church, and especially in our homes.
"Jesus, our Savior, was the epitome of kindness and compassion.”
~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

I feel very strong about the truth of how important it is to cultivate a deep and lasting friendship. My husband and I met and marriage in a very short time and I already had 4 children. Whenever I hear that you need to look back and remember the good times at the beginning, I kind of shutter because the beginning was just very stressful. I used to think that because we had a rough start we were doomed for failure. I do not believe this anymore, we are more in love now than we have ever been and I know it will only get better. The reason things are so much better now is because we have both decided to focus on the positive and the things we like and admire about each other. We both work full time, are both in school, we have 7 children and 2 grandchildren, so needless to say we are very busy. We take time to see each other and text each other often every day, and we spend every evening and weekend together. We go on regular dates alone and with other couples. We are each other’s number one priority.